I have been a Tantra practitioner in Toronto for 9 years, and one of my main foci is helping couples connect and reconnect with each other. Our lives are making it difficult for them to keep the same connection levels as they had at the beginning of their relationships, so Tantric couples’ sessions can help with the reconnection. Observing and guiding the couples in my sessions inspired me to share here a few reconnection exercises.
Weaving Deeper Connections & Igniting Lasting Intimacy
Most couples I see in my tantra sessions arrive rushed, nervous, excited, and way out of their comfort zone. The first thing I tell them is that we go slowly, we take any goals off the table, and we focus on the pleasure of the sensations in the body. We are letting go of the mind, the thoughts, and we will just BE. The container needs to be set properly before we drop into sensual tantric space.
Based on my experience as a tantric practitioner, one of the best ways to feel safe in a couple’s session is taking the attention away from the goal of orgasm, or the linear steps of traditional love making. Putting pressure on each other in a sensual, or sexual setting kills the feeling of connection and safety right away. Give yourself enough time at the beginning to connect and clear what stands in the way of intimacy, then move into more intimate waters.
Couples need to want what they have, they need to remember and celebrate the precious gift they bring into each other’s lives, the beauty they have created so far. Here are ways they can do that.
Tantric Exercises for couples
Eye Gazing: Unlock Deeper Connection
In Tantra, eye gazing is a sacred Tantric practise for couples to foster deeper connection, intimacy, and presence between partners. By maintaining soft, focused eye contact, couples can connect on a more profound emotional and energetic level. Eye gazing is also a way to synchronize energy, increase trust, and experience a sense of oneness, aligning well with the Tantric principles of mindfulness, connection, and the integration of body, mind, and spirit. In Tantric philosophy, the concept of “energy exchange” or “pranic flow” plays a vital role in cultivating deep intimacy between partners. By synchronizing their breath, touch, and focus, partners create a seamless flow of life force energy (prana) between them. This alignment not only harmonizes their physical and emotional states but also strengthens their energetic connection, allowing them to experience a profound sense of unity and presence. A regular practise of eye gazing helps couples deepen their intimacy and activate their life force energy. Our sexual energy is powerful!
Eye Gazing Exercise For Couples
Start with a one-minute eye gazing. Sit across from each other, holding hands. Look at into each other’s eyes with a soft gaze breathing regularly. If it gets too intense, or uncomfortable, you can close your eyes, or look away, but return to the gaze as soon as possible. This creates safety, relaxes the nervous system, brings you into presence and switches your focus from the outside world into the inner one. You will realize soon enough that this is not just a physical exercise, you might feel a strong energetic connection between the two of you.
Breath as One: The Sacred Rhythm of Tantric Union
Tantric breath can be a powerful tool for couples to break down barriers, strengthen their bond and activate Prana. Couples can practise “circular breathing” (partners breathe in sync) or “polarized breathing” (partners alternate inhales and exhales to create energetic flow). This practise calms the mind and body and grounds partners to the present moment. The activation of life force energy fosters intimacy and unity and heightens awareness and presence in each others space, deepening emotional and physical intimacy.
Tantric Breathing Exercise
It is best to do this exercise independently, not holding hands. Sit facing each other on the floor, close your eyes, and start with a slow in-breath that goes all the way to the belly, not stopping at the chest. Make the in-breath last for five slow counts. The outbreath is slow, lasting for five counts, as well, just like the in-breath. Make sounds, especially on the outbreath, and you can even shake the body on the outbreath, if that feels good to you. Repeat 10-15 times, with each breath getting deeper. The goal is to synchronise your breaths, and coregulate your nervous systems. With each breath you become more grounded, more relaxed, and more connected.
Couple Connection Exercise
Sitting across from each other, and looking into each other’s eyes, name three things you love about the other taking turns. Keep eye contact with each other and hold hands. Do not rush to answer, take a minute to go inward and really explore your feelings for your partner.
Alternative question: takes turns to talk about a beautiful memory from your lives where you were incredibly happy together. Repeat once.
Talking about fears, needs, boundaries will open your heart even more. Create repeated questions, which help you answer the same questions multiple times, and hopefully will take you into deeper emotional realms.
How do repeated questions work?
Sitting across from each other, partner A asks: “What do you love?” allowing time for partner B to answer. They can repeat this about 5-6 times, this allows their partner to go deeper and produce answers that they themselves were not aware of. Then switch partners. You do the same with “What do you fear,” and “What do you need.” Repeated questions slow down the inward going process, producing more authentic answers.
Fostering intimacy between you and your partner
As you co-create a Tantric practise as a couple, do not forget to go step by step, breath together, connect, clear what is in the way of your lovemaking before you do it. Bottled up resentments, power struggles, unexpressed needs, and expectations, among others can slowly spoil a relationship, creating huge gaps between the couple.
Making conscious efforts to reconnect after a long day, or a long week is essential, as well as scheduling regular dates weekly or bi-weekly. Moreover, enjoy the slow process of reconnecting, and be open and curious at what you might find.
